The Big Hunt
by Satellizer123
Summary: A group of Infected went on a hunt. Just your ordinary day when you die for no reason.


Disclaimer: I do not own L4D.

A crouching figure could be seen on the roof of an abandoned high school. Judging by the position and the hoodie he was wearing, one could clearly tell he was a Hunter. He was intently watching something on the ground, which appeared to be three figures of various sizes and shapes. Smirking, he shrieked and jumped down the back of the largest one.  
>"Damn it! Get this fucking Hunter off of me!" The large one, who turned out to be a Charger, yelled.<br>"Already on it man!" A slouching guy -Jockey- giggled madly and jumped up the Hunter's back. This didn't help at all, and it looked like these three Infected were spooning with each other upwards. Charger whirled frantically to shake the unknown attacker and the stupid helper down.  
>"Smoker! A little help here!" Charger shouted.<br>"Huh?" the guy in question asked distracted. He looked considerably normal, except for a huge boil on the left side of his head. "Oh yeah." He lashed out his extremely long tongue – A typical Smoker character- to pull down the Hunter. He failed miserably, wrapped his tongue around Charger's neck instead, and pulled as hard as he could. The Charger fell face down with a thump. Jockey and Hunter fell forward, with no longer anything to get a hold on, and crashed onto Smoker. Everyone lay unconscious on the school ground. After that, they became best friends.

.

The foursome set out for something to have fun. There's something to say about this group: it was different; at least, that's what they thought so. Besides the usual skills their species had, they also had something else… individual. The Hunter could speak human, which is saying something, since zombies could only communicate by moaning and hand language. Even moaning was rare; they usually just flipped each other off, and continue their way. Hunter prided himself on being smooth with the ladies. No one believed him though, especially after witnessing his genitals removed by a pissed off Witch. Smoker, with his abnormally long tongue, could grab nearby objects and attack the enemy with it, therefore avoid risking his life for a meal. However, he was not known for his intelligence; sometimes he grabbed a machete at the business end, and that caused him a week unable to eat. A normal Charger, or as normal as Chargers could be, had one huge rock-hard arm, and the other one was twig-like and useless. But this particular Charger had no useless arm, his smaller arm was about the size of a weak teenager's; and he could use that to handle sticks or pipes and bash the enemies with them; since he could use the huge arm as a shield at it, he dubbed himself "The apocalyptic Knight." Together, they made a weird but nearly invincible team. Only when they knew how to properly work together. Which never, EVER, happened before.

.

"Hey guys, what should we do next?" Jockey asked, chewing on a handful of playing cards, which was the most exciting thing they discovered since they'd found them.  
>"We can go bullying Commons." Hunter named his idea, his eyes never leaving the card on his hand. The female image was giving him an erection. Wow.<br>"Dude, that is totally lame. They never know what hit'em."  
>"Yeah, it's like spitting upwards."<br>Everyone looked at Charger incredulously.  
>"… What?"<br>"You heard me. Picking on others without having their acknowledgement is like spitting on your own face."  
>Hunter seemed ready to pounce on Charger against all odds, but gradually calmed himself by considering what he just heard. Indeed, that would only make them even more bored.<br>"What about going swimming?" NOW would he pounce if anyone dared to object.

"Guys, I just realized something!" Boomer said excitedly.  
>"You do?" Smoker looked up in amusement. If big ol' Boom had something to say, it's usually good and fun.<br>"We can't take off our clothes, no matter how hard we tried!"  
>Every faith he had in the obese piece of moving stupidity was thrown to the wind.<p>

.

"Hey, look!" Smoker pointed at the middle of the lake. "Survivors!"  
>There were indeed a few survivors there; they were heading towards the shore on a canoe.<p>

"Let's have them!" Blinded with desire (well…), Charger charged right at the survivors' direction, never taking the water factor into account.

Glug glug glug… Oh well. It's not like there was only one Charger in the world.

.

"We can always use Smoker's tongue. They're not really far away." Boomer suggested. This was agreed by all.

Glug glug glug… See? Charger was agreeing too.

"Well, I can do that." Smoker said, then launched his long tongue at the canoe. It flew with the speed of a bullet towards the survivors, and finally touched something.

"I got one!" Smoker said in his literally tongue-in-a-twist voice. Then he frowned and continued. "Wait… This doesn't feel like a human…"

.

"Smoker!" A survivor said when noticing the pink tongue lashed out at them. Fortunately, it missed everyone and landed next to the unused…

Defibrillator. This gave them an idea.

.

Bzzzzzz… Well, Smoker meat sure smelled nice when grilled, Hunter absent-mindedly thought.

.

"So, Boomer, I guess it's me and you."

"Yep, it's you and me."

The two remaining Infected began making out passionately on the shore, no longer feared of being watched.

.

"Oh shit, look at that."

"Well, I guess being infected surely affects your taste."

The survivors discussed what was happening right in front of their eyes with disgust; and when one of them could take it no more, she took out a big ass chainsaw and jumped onto the kissing Infected. "Die, you goddamn gay zombies! Just freaking DIE!" She yelled in a big mess of blood and gore.

.

Thus ended a great story of survival and friendship.

.

Author's Note: I'm bored. Review if you want.

NCT


End file.
